First let me state I’m not some bitter Andy Rooney type that’s always on the prowl for something negative. I’m a pretty easy-going guy, but after more than 20 years of playing golf at resorts around the world, I’ve compiled a list of things that annoy me.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the chocolates on the pillow, hydrotherapies at the spa, the fresh apples on the counter at check-in and various other resort amenities.
The following, however, is what I don’t like.
1. Surly Starters—There’s nothing worse than beginning a round in some fabulous setting only to be admonished by some overworked grump who acts like a suspicious border guard. After a scowl and a lecture about the dozens of things NOT to do, he tells you to have a great day. Sure pal. After listening to the stern speech, I suspect the guy might chase me down if I somehow momentarily forget about the 90-degree rule.
2. Overpriced Logo Merchandise—What a country! Let me get this straight. I travel a long distance, pay hundreds sometimes thousands of dollars to stay, play and dine and you reward me with the opportunity to pay $125 for a golf shirt emblazoned with the resort’s logo. Then, I wear my overpriced logo shirt back home and advertise your resort for free to all my friends and family.
3. Overpriced Golf Balls—Golf balls at resort pro shops have prominently taken their place in the “Ridiculous Pricing Hall of Fame” along with airport hot dogs, beers at the U.S. Open and hotel rooms at the host city during Super Bowl Week. Give us a break please. Chances are we’re going to hit them into all the strategically placed lakes and ponds and you’ll get to resell them.
4. Sleepy Marshalls—One of the reasons for so much slow play is resorts are afraid to hire marshalls that will actually tell groups slower than pack mules to keep moving. I know they’re paid to be back-slappers and cheer up golfers, but, puh-lease, get people moving. I want to get back to the clubhouse for a few libations, not just a nightcap.
5. The $4 Bottle of Water—I play lots of resort golf in Florida where the temperature in the summer seems to reach microwave oven levels. Sometimes if you end up playing towards the end of the day, the water jugs on the course tend to be depleted with melted ice. The water is warm enough to brew tea. What’s the solution? Voila, here comes the cart girl with an 8 oz. bottle of water for $4. Let’s see, either die from the heat or fork over the 4 bucks. I pay like everybody else. It doesn’t really bother me until I get home and realize my wife has just returned from Costco with a case of water that cost her $3.99.
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