Golf Bag Eating Squirrels!

Today is Squirrel Appreciation Day. In dishonor of this ridiculous day, I have a story to tell:

Imagine, for a moment, that you are a sweet, innocent, harmless, bushy-tailed little squirrel. You're prancing along, you get hungry, you spot some food. You put your little squirrel lips around a big, juicy chestnut...and BAM! A frickin' 460cc Titanium driver head cold clocks you silly.

Well that's almost exactly what I witnessed by the tee box of the 2nd hole at my home track, Rancho Park Golf Course, several years ago. As usual, there was a two group backup at the 2nd hole. A squirrel came begging for food to a guy in my foursome who I had met for the 1st time a hole earlier. Without hesitation, he swung his driver at the squirrel like it was a teed up Titleist Pro V1x. The driver hit the squirrel squarely on it's side and it went down like a sack of potatoes. It was convulsing uncontrollably and I was certain that it was a goner. I glanced at the assailant in shocked disbelief. He just smiled and exclaimed, "Ha, gotcha ya stupid squirrel!" After about a minute the squirrel miraculously got back on it's feet and limped away.

What kind of person would commit such a callous and senseless act on one of nature's cutest creatures? I say a smart and rational person! This wasn't my opinion at the time, but over the years I've come to understand why such violence is perfectly acceptable. You see, the squirrels at this particular course are not the typical and harmless variety. They have devolved into ravenous golf bag destroying monsters! They have learned that golf bags often contain tasty snacks and it's now coded into their DNA. Any golf bag left unattended will attract a squirrel looking for food. If it sniffs something yummy, it will do whatever it takes to get to it. These squirrels are adept at opening velcro and unzipping zippers. If it still can't get to the food, it will chew it's way through. Over the several years that I've played on this course, squirrels have destroyed two of my golf bags. Here's a picture of the latest victim:

So if you ever see someone play whack a mole with the squirrels at a golf course, understand that he's just saving your golf bag from destruction!

Is There a Free Drop From the Propeller?

To take advantage of the 4th of July weekend half day Friday, my friend and I scheduled an after-work tee time at our favorite local executive muni, Penmar in Venice, CA. It's a great little track that is always in great shape with lots of challenging holes. The only real downside to this course is that it is located within a stone throws away from Santa Monica Municipal Airport. Lots of small planes take off right over the golf course and can be a distraction. But after a while you get used to it and accept it as just background noise.

The night before our tee time we were shocked to discover that a small plane had crashed near the 8th hole. Apparently, the student pilot lost power on his ascent and the plane dropped like a rock. Unfortunately, he died but luckily no one else was hurt since golfers were still on the course. I guess it was bound to happen.

I assumed that the course would be closed the following day after such a tragic accident. However, we called the next morning about our tee time and the grumpy starter told us it was business as usual. They had already removed the wreckage! We played our round and indeed the only evidence of the crash was broken tree limbs and that police yellow tape surrounding the area. Air traffic was normal, if not even more busy than usual. It's just amazing how quickly things can return to normalcy.

Rancho Park's Arnold Palmer Tribute?

A couple years ago, I moved about 20 miles west to the beach town of Santa Monica, CA. As a result, my home course went from the Rose Bowl parking lot to Rancho Park, former home of the L.A. Open. On the par-5 18th tee, there's an interesting plaque to commemorate Arnold Palmer's achievement at the 35th L.A. Open in 1961.


Here's the engraving:

The first day of the 35th L.A. Open, Arnold Palmer, voted Golfer of the year, took a 12 on this hole.

As an inspiration to all Golfers The L.A. Jr. Chamber of Commerce dedicate this monument.

Palmer hit a fine drive. He sliced his next 2 shots into the driving range, then hooked two more onto Patricia Ave. Hit the green with his sixth shot, and two putted. Eight strokes plus four penalities add up to 12.

Here's the detailed story according to Golf For Dummies:

Palmer needed a par 5 on the 18th for a 69 in the second round. After a good drive, instead of laying up with an iron for the tight second shot, he went for a birdie and pushed a 3-wood out-of-bounds onto the adjacent driving range. He paused briefly to regroup and then hit another 3-wood. This time, he hooked it onto Patricia Avenue. Stubborn if not downright foolhardy, Palmer hit the 3-wood yet again, and again hooked it out-of-bounds. On the fifth try, after four straight penalties, he finally put his 3-wood on the green and went on to make a 12. A long, sad story. Arnie's description was more succinct. Asked by a reported how he managed to make a 12, he replied, "I missed my putt for an 11."

The plaque and story are great comic reliefs to any golfer having a bad day on the golf course. But did anyone bother to check the grammar before it was engraved in stone!?

Bandon Dunes Vacation Trip Tips: Part III, On the Course

Earlier this year, I took a once-in-a-lifetime golf vacation to Bandon Dunes. I have already written about my off-the-course experiences and how to prepare for it. Here are my on-the-course experiences:

Consider a Caddie

Playing on local munis for most of my golf life, I'm not used to nor am I a big fan of caddies. I prefer to rely on myself for many of the things that caddies provide such as club carrying, club selection and green reading. But since Bandon is walking only and we were playing 36 holes per day on links courses, a caddie is almost a necessity to prevent death by exhaustion! But it's not cheap. Caddie fees at Bandon are $55 per round per person. Double bagging provides no discount! Oh, and don't forget the suggested $25 tip per round!

Unfortunately, the quality of caddies at Bandon is not consistent. At Bandon, you are paired with a caddie and they remain your caddie for all of your future rounds no matter what courses you play. This is fine if you have a good caddie, but it can be uncomfortable at best if you don't. My 8-person golf party each hired a different caddie. Unfortunately, 2 caddies didn't make it past the halfway mark of our trip for various reasons. They would have been dismissed a lot earlier if it wasn't so awkward!

The Courses

All three courses are spectacular! They'd better be with $210 green fees during the high season (but the same-day replay fees are only 50% of the full green fee!). Both Bandon Dunes and Pacific Dunes saddle up alongside the Oregon coastline and present some great ocean views. While Bandon is slightly longer than Pacific in total length, Pacific feels so much longer! I found Bandon to offer a slightly more interesting layout while Pacific is a tad more scenic with more breathtaking ocean views. Pacific also seems to play much more difficult than Bandon. I didn’t think that I would ever fail to break 100 again, but it happened at Pacific!

Bandon Trails is located away from the ocean right where the dunes meet the coastal forest. It starts and ends with true links holes, but in-between the course winds through a hilly and densely wooded forest. With its wider fairways and wind-breaking trees, Trails is a much more forgiving course than its oceanfront siblings. There are some dramatic elevation changes that add character but can make club selection difficult.

So which course is the best? Picking your favorite course at Bandon is a lot like Hef picking his favorite girlfriend from The Girls Next Door. You want to play a round with all of them, but you definitely want to play some more often than others! If the Bandon courses were Hef's girls, Pacific Dunes would be Holly, Bandon Trails would be Kendra and Bandon Dunes would be Bridget.

However, if Pacific didn’t exist, I’d rank Bandon ahead of Trails (but I'd still take Kendra over Bridget). That’s because while I prefer both links courses to Trails, it offers such a nice change of pace from a traditional links style course that it pairs perfectly with Bandon and Trails. My ideal day at Bandon would be a morning round at Trails, followed by a nice lunch in the clubhouse and ending with an afternoon round at Pacific. Just don’t remind me how much that costs!

My Favorite Memories

My favorite off-the-course memories from my Bandon Dunes golf trip are easily the dinners with my friends in the Lodge. These are some special people and I really appreciate the few times that we get to spend together.

But my favorite Bandon golf memory has to be my amazing driving round at Pacific Dunes. I hit driver on every non par-3 hole and hit the fairway each time! And these weren’t just dinky Funk-like pokes down the fairway, they were full-bore 250+ yd. drives! Of course the golf gods wouldn’t let the rest of my game reflect this excellence. They made sure that I didn’t break 90 by delivering an exact score of 90! My friend thought it was impossible not to break 90 if you hit every fairway. I sure proved him wrong!

Bandon Dunes Vacation Trip Tips: Part II, Be Prepared!

Bandon Dunes is fast becoming the North American golf mecca. Recently, I had an opportunity to take a Bandon Dunes golf vacation with some good golf buddies. I have already written about my off-the-course experiences. Here are my thoughts and tips on how to prepare for the golf at Bandon Dunes:

True British Open-style links courses in the U.S.!

Bandon Dunes is three-course golf resort situated on an isolated part of the rugged southern Oregon coastline. Re-creation of the traditional links courses of Scotland and Ireland is the name of the game here. In my 10+ years of playing golf, I have never played a true links course. So what I found at Bandon was golf unlike anything that I've ever played in my life. Natural contours from seaside dunes meant that there was rarely a flat lie. Fairways were very firm with tightly mown grass. Carts and cart paths were non-existent. On the course, about the only man-made structures that will come into view is the Lodge/clubhouse. The courses are isolated from civilization and you definitely feel it!

Rain and Wind are Par for the Course

One of the things that I hate is playing golf in the rain and/or cold. As a spoiled southern California golfer, I've become accustomed to dry and warm weather. Usually, if there's any chance of rain or the mercury dropping below 60, I don't even bother driving to the golf course. There are just too many sunny days here to have to play in those conditions! But I knew that rain, wind and cold are all considered the norm at Bandon Dunes. In fact, such playing conditions were the only apprehension that I felt when I booked my trip. Eventually I figured what the hell, this is a once-in-a-lifetime golf trip! I just have to man up and be strong mentally. But the biggest dilemma was how to prepare for the rain...

Get Wind and Waterproof!

Before my Bandon trip, I owned no rain equipment. Unfortunately, high quality golf rain gear is expensive. A good rain suit is well over $300! Would it be worth spending so much money on equipment that I may just use on one trip? I concluded it wasn't. Instead of a heavy-duty rain suit, I opted for a light-packable rain suit for around $50. Sure enough, during our first round it rained and it rained hard. While my rain suit kept me dry, it didn't fit well at all. It was bulky and adversely affected my swing. I was definitely second-guessing my penny-pinching decision. It rained again during our next round, but luckily not again for the rest of the trip! It turned out that being a cheap-skate didn't bite me back too badly. But if it rained any more than it did, I would think that a high-quality rain suit would have been worth it. Not only is it important that a rain suit keep you dry, but it should allow you to swing as freely as possible. Other essential golf rain gear that you must pack:

• Shoes: Nothing is worse than water getting into your shoes. I really never quite understood that concept until it happened to me on my Bandon trip! My socks got wet and my feet started to swim in my shoes. That caused blisters to form!
  
  I just assumed that my shoes were waterproof because it came with a 2-year waterproof warranty. Unfortunately, I have been using them well past the warranty period and they must have lost their waterproofing ability. Don't make my mistake! Be sure to use waterproof golf shoes and make sure that they are still within the warranty period. It's also a good idea to bring another pair of shoes to rotate amongst and allow proper drying between rounds. Remember to stuff 'em with newspaper after the round to dry them properly!
  
  
• Headwear: The wind chill at Bandon can be brutal. In such conditions, you lose much of your heat (30% or more) through your head and neck! That's why it is so important to preserve warmth by donning a winter hat. Choose hats made of wool, polyester or acrylic knits that stay warm when wet. Also, look for non-itch materials or linings for comfort. I choose a high-quality beanie hat made for mountain climbing. It was made of Polartec for warmth and had a Windstopper lining to prevent wind and water penetration. It was a little more expensive, but well worth it!
  
  
• Gloves: Golf rain gloves allow you to grip wet grips. Unfortunately, they don't keep your hands warm in the cold!

Adjust Your Game

Links courses and their associated weather conditions require certain adjustments to play them well. The biggest adjustment for me was hitting off of the firm and unyielding sand-based fairways. I'm used to fairways with supportive turf that sits the ball up off of the ground beneath. However, the grass and ground seem to be one and the same on a links fairway. As a result, it is unforgiving to less than perfect ball-striking. Even simple chipping and pitching is maddeningly more difficult on a links fairway. Hit the ball just a fraction fat and you'll flub it. I must have averaged 4 chunky chili dips per round with my wedges until I just gave up and putted them instead! There's a good chance that putting is your best option for anything on the fairway within 30 yards of the green. Watch this week's British Open to see how it's done. If you are lucky enough to play Bandon, be sure to check out their practice facility to get used to that pesky turf.

Stay tuned for Bandon Dunes Vacation Trip Tips: Part III, On the Course!

Bandon Dunes Vacation Trip Tips: Part I, Off the Course

Two weeks ago, I took my dream golf trip to Bandon Dunes with 7 of my golf buddies. Here are my quick thoughts on my off-the-course experience and hopefully they will help you plan a Bandon Dunes golf trip:

Air Travel

The fastest way to get to Bandon is to fly into North Bend airport (OTH). Unfortunately, there's not a lot of flights into it. Your best bet is to fly to Portland and then take a puddle-jumper to North Bend. If you're nervous about flying like I am, be warned that the plane from Portland to North Bend is small. There are only 9 rows of seats with 4 seats per row! Thankfully, the airline (Horizon Air) offered complimentary wine and beer to take the edge off.

Ground Transportation

The resort is about a 20 min. drive from the airport. I called about 5 local ground transportation services for quotes. I decided to go with Aviation Transportation (877-315-7963). Not only were they the best deal at $50 round trip per person, but they offer complimentary beer. Service was top-notch and reliable. Just tell them your flight information and the driver will meet you at the gate and load your luggage into a luxurious van. For your return flight, they will pick you up from your hotel about 2 hours before your flight. I will definitely use them again.

Lodging

I stayed at the The Lodge at Bandon Dunes in the Lodge Suite which is basically a 2-story, 4-bedroom, 4-bath, condo sans kitchen. It sits right next to the 18th green of the Bandon Dunes golf course and offers distant ocean views. Every room was spacious and features a flat-panel HDTV. I would characterize the architecture as modern rustic. The accommodations were excellent, but you'd expect that for a $1,7000/night suite ($425 per person)! My only complaint was that there was no HD signal going into the HDTVs. That's like driving a Ferrari with a Kia engine!

Dining

The Bandon Dunes Golf Resort is a little isolated from the main town so the dining options are limited. However, the food at the resort is so good that there's really no reason to dine anywhere else. Here's my thoughts on some of the food that I consumed:

Oregon Blueberry Pancakes and Pure Maple Syrup ($6.50): Two fluffy plate-sized flapjacks stuffed with plump blueberries. They're so big that it's plenty for two healthy appetites but so tasty that one will want to finish it by himself!

Flash Fried Calamari Appetizer ($8.00): Very good of the light-batter variety.

Duck and Ginger Potstickers Appetizer ($9.00): Very tasty with a pleasant sweet-soy dipping sauce.

Pan Seared Elk Striploin ($36.00): When it comes to food, I just have to try everything at least once. Since I've never eaten elk, I figured that this was a must order. I found the meat to be very similar to beef in both taste and texture. It was good, but not quite as exotic as I expected. While I'm glad I tried it, it's probably not something I'd order again.

Grilled Ribeye Steak ($38.00): I ordered it rare just like all steaks should be ordered. While it was a mammoth-sized steak, it was a bit tough in spots. However, the flavor was excellent.

Grilled New York Strip ($39.00): Again, rare! This steak was much better than the ribeye I had a few nights earlier. Much more tender with a slightly better flavor. If you have only one steak on your visit, this is the one to order.

Pan Seared Sea Scallops ($32.00): Nice big scallops each resting on its own mound of shrimp risotto. Easily one of the best scallop dishes I've ever eaten.

Grandma’s Meat Loaf ($17.00): Probably as good as meatloaf can get but that's not saying much. However, I love meatloaf so I really enjoyed it. I would recommend having it for lunch as opposed to dinner because there's just so many better options for dinner.

Beer: The resort features Deschutes Brewery's Mirror Pond on tap at every dining facility. Is there really any other choice? It's probably the best American style pale ale ever brewed. For the lighter beer palates, there's also Widmer Hefeweizen on tap. I admit I downed a couple of those too!

Wine: I love wine, but I know very little about them. Luckily several members of my crew were well-versed in fine wines. According to them, the wine list at the resort is excellent. My favorites were the Opus One "Proprietary Red Wine" (Thanks John!), Domaine Serene Pinot Noir Evenstad and the Trefethen Cabernet Sauvignon. As you can tell, I'm well on my way toward wine snobbery!

Overall Dining: I was pleasantly surprised by the gourmet quality, generous portions and reasonable prices of the food at the resort. Usually isolated resorts operate like ruthless monopolists and really stick it to you for food. Not so in this case.

Stay tuned for Bandon Dunes Vacation Trip Tips: Part II, Be Prepared!

The Tiger-Proofed Masters

This seems to be the consensus opinion on the 2007 Masters:

1. “Tiger-proofing” has made Augusta National too difficult
2. As a result, birdies and eagles were rare, taking the excitement out of the event
3. Bottom Line: It was a borefest

I must be in the minority, but I thoroughly enjoyed the 71st Masters. Maybe the setup was too difficult for a traditional Masters, but when it comes to tournament golf, I prefer attrition warfare over shootouts. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that a course can be too difficult. The 2004 U.S. Open at Shinnecock was a prime example of the silliness that can arise from a sadist greenskeeper gone wild. But as long as a golf course is fair, I think that it’s fine. After all, everyone plays on the same course.

The difficult conditions left a wide-open Masters for the final round. On Sunday, Stuart Appleby, Rory Sabbatini, Retief Goosen, Zach Johnson and Tiger Woods all owned a piece of the lead at some point. Call me crazy, but I find such a “neck and neck” competition much more interesting than someone trouncing the field by 5 strokes the entire day.

Unfortunately, there was one key ingredient missing from this year’s Masters that would have made it magical: a classic Tiger charge. We all expected it, but it never came. Uncharacteristically, Tiger lost a final-round lead! However, don’t blame the course for that, Tiger clearly didn’t have his A, B or even C game. But take nothing away from Zach Johnson. He did not fold under the pressure and instead played brilliant golf. Unlike many winners this year, Zach won this tournament.

But imagine if Tiger was his usual self and forced Zach Johnson into a playoff ala Bob May in the PGA Championship circa 2000. Wouldn’t that have been exciting? All of a sudden, this Masters goes down in the history books as one of the best ever. Oh well, I guess Tiger is indeed human. It's either that or the Masters has truly been "Tiger-Proofed." Regardless, I'm just glad that I watched it all unfold on CBS in 100% high def, unlike that NBC "HD-lite" treatment.

Riviera - My Great Expectations

The boyz of the PGA are playing in my 'hood this weekend for the Nissan Open at Riviera Country Club in beautiful Pacific Palisades, CA. Opened in 1926, the course is well-known for the dominance of Ben Hogan. Over a span of 16 months, Hogan won 3 tournaments at Riviera. He won the 1947 L.A. Open, the 1948 L.A. Open and the 1948 U.S. Open. As a result, Riviera is also called "Hogan's Alley." Other notable winners at Riviera include Sam Snead, Byron Nelson, Tom Watson, Johnny Miller, Ben Crenshaw, Fred Couples, Davis Love III, Nick Faldo, and Ernie Els. But Riviera is also known for it's "Hollywood" club members. Some of those include Glen Campbell, Dean Martin, and Gregory Peck.

With all of this rich history, Riviera is considered a legendary golf course. This is especially true amongst LA-area golfers. It is one of the local courses that all LA golfers would die to play, but the majority can't because it's a private golf club. Luckily, I had the rare opportunity to play Riviera as a guest 2 summers ago.

I had circled the date of my Riviera tee time on my calendar weeks in advance like it was a major milestone in my life. The course already occupied a special place in my heart because it was the site of the first professional golf tournament that I attended as a spectator. Watching the pros play Riviera in person was one of the main reasons that I took up the game seriously. Needless to say, my expectations to actually play the course were astronomical.

But like that blockbuster movie that you've been dying to see for months, my expectations for Riviera grew to such lofty heights that only golf nirvana would have satisfied them. My actual round got off to a bad start when I learned on the famous 75-foot elevated tee of the opening hole that it's green was under repair. So the first green that I played at Riviera was a chalk outline in the fairway!

I knew that my round was bound to improve, but somehow it just didn't improve enough. I just couldn't help but think throughout my round that Riviera was like a really nicely manicured $25 green fee LA muni. I realize that it's sacrilege to write that, but that's truly how I felt and still feel to this day. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice course, but not one that blew me away.

I realize that my grossly over-inflated expectations ruined my Riviera golf experience. Since that time, I try to play all new golf courses with an open mind. I don't try to read up too much about a new course or ask people for their opinions. I've learned that, like many things in life, golf is usually best enjoyed free of hype and expectations. Remember this the next time you're invited to play Augusta National!

The Rose Bowl Parking Lot, My Home Course

The biggest game in college football history has been set. The 2006 BCS Championship Game will be played Jan. 4th at the "The Granddaddy of All Bowl Games" pitting #1 USC against #2 Texas. While the 90,000+ fans in attendance will be watching one of the most anticipated college football games of all-time, their cars will be leaking oil on my home golf course. Let me explain.

My home course, Brookside Golf Club, is adjacent to the world famous Rose Bowl. Built in 1921, the stadium's official seating capacity is 92,542. That's a lot of people, and, since it's located in must-drive Los Angeles, a lot of cars.

But there's not a lot of room around the Rose Bowl for dedicated parking. So where do you park all those darn global warming machines on wheels? You park them on the golf course, that's where! Of the 20,600 parking spaces available for events at the Rose Bowl, approximately 12,050 spaces are provided on the two golf courses of Brookside Golf Club.

Yes, anytime there's a major event at the Rose Bowl, the Brookside Golf courses undergo a dramatic transformation. Hole #18 becomes Parking Lot 1A. Ball washers and tee markers are displaced by Bimmers and Toyotas. But the real change is the people on the course. It goes from golfers who treat the course like it's a temple to drunken tailgaters who treat it like a Sigma Alpha Epsilon frat house. "We once saw people frying a turkey, and they just spilled all the oil from it on the golf course," said Noni Holt, a UCLA football season ticket holder. "We were just mad because we know it hurts the golf course, and we're mindful of that. It really is a beautiful place." But most revelers just don't give a damn. "I'm sure the course gets torn up," said Jim Guthrie, a 2003 UCLA graduate who tailgated at a UCLA home game. "But we don't care that much."

Obviously, the course is closed for golf while it works double-duty as a parking lot and tailgating wasteland. But the course never gets a rest. After moonlighting as a parking lot, a crew of over 100 cleans up the course for tee times the next morning. Yes, the next morning! As you can imagine, they can't clean up everything. If you do play the day after an event, don't be surprised to find your ball resting against unusual "loose impediments" in the form of strewn Corona bottles and Coors cans. Balls landing in a SUV tire tread or a pile of spent charcoal isn't uncommon. The golf rules for relief from standing water are sometimes applied to standing motor oil. Heck, sometimes abandoned cars are left in the middle of the fairway!

Proceeds from the $25 per car parking fees cover the money that would have been generated from greens fees. But you would think that the abuse Brookside receives as a parking lot would spell disaster for course conditions. In reality, it doesn't. Sure, it's not Augusta National, but Brookside is typically in very good condition after a tailgating binge. I applaud the entire staff of Brookside who manages to maintain the course's position as one of the top 10 public courses in Southern California year after year. Once host to the LA Open, I pray that Brookside will once again host a pro golf event so that we can all park on the Rose Bowl football field for some much needed payback!

Torrey Pines - The Best Golf Course?

Congrats to Tiger for winning the Buick Invitational on my favorite course, Torrey Pines. Unfortunately, the word has been out for a very long time as it is easier to win PowerBall than it is to get a tee time at Torrey. But there are many reasons why it still occupies a special place in my heart.

The Price - I've been lucky enough to play Torrey at the San Diego City resident rate. At these rates, it has to be one of the best deals in golf. The twilight rate is about $20 and you can easily finish 18 holes at twilight in the spring/summer. Unfortunately, the non-resident rates are quite steep. But you can't blame them. After all, Torrey is a muni course built for the residents of San Diego. Who wants their home course overrun by outsiders?

The Setting - I'm a native Californian, so I have a special affinity for ocean courses. Torrey is bounded by mountains to the north and the Pacific Ocean to the west. The Torrey Pines Tree is indigenous to this area and adds a unique touch.

The Courses - There are two courses, each with its own personality. The South is one monster of a course. From the tips, it is 7,607 yds. Probably the longest course I've ever played. The North is a much more reasonable 6,874 yds. and is more scenic. It's a much more enjoyable course for non-single-digit handicappers.

My Game - But the primary reason I love Torrey is that, for some reason, I've played my best golf there. I've played 4 rounds total on 3 separate trips and I each time I have played out of my head. The first time that I played Torrey, I played on the South course from the white tees (6,885 yds.). The day was marred by torrential rains and winds of up to 15 mph. However, I never played so well. Everything just clicked. I shot a 12-over 84, which might not sound so great. But considering the conditions (my friend Anth said par was probably 76 that day), an 84 was a great score for me. The next 3 rounds at Torrey were similarly fantastic. Why? I have no idea. It makes no sense, but what does in golf? Certainly not this golf blog!

Below is a picture of me at Torrey for the 1st time teeing off on the South's par-4 2nd hole. I remember that I crushed it 300 yds. (with a 15 mph tailwind!). Check out that storm coming in from the Pacific.

Pete Dye - Sadomasochist of Golf

Lost Canyons and Ocean Trails are two southern CA courses with uncanny similarities. For one, they are both appropriately named. Lost Canyons is where you not only lose your $5 balls, but also your patience, your swing, and evenutally, your game. Ocean Trails is where you spend more time on the ocean trails looking for your lost balls than on the actual course playing golf.

But the main similarity is that these tracks sprung from the mind of the same guy: 78 yr.-old Pete Dye. He makes John Cleese's character in those Titleist NXT commercials look like Mother Theresa.

I mean it's not like golf isn't hard enough. Old Petey kicks it up several notches utilizing every trick in the book:

• Razor-thin fairways
• Roller-coaster undulating greens
• Roller-coaster undulating fairways
• Monster pot bunkers
• U.S. Open grade rough
• Island Greens
• Blind tee shots
• Hazards dead in the middle of the fairway

I'm surprised that he still hasn't employed quicksand or land mines in some diabolical manner.

I recently played Ocean Trails with my friend Jen, only because they are running an "all-you-can-play" special for $65 before they close on Aug. 18 to be rebuilt as Trump National Golf Club. Having already suffered through a couple of Dye nightmares in the past, I was ready this time. I knew that lost Pro V1s sprouted out of the rough like weeds, so I only brought Top Flite rocks. Sure enough, I found enough premium balls to last me the rest of the year.

Mentally, I told myself that this would be just a nice walk by the beach, stopping to hit a stupid white ball every now and then. Otherwise, I would have lost my mind trying to shoot a decent score. It worked, and I had a great time.

Well, the pros will have their turn in a Dye torture chamber this week at Petey's Whistling Straits, home to the 86th PGA Championship. I imagine that it will be a great event to watch, since nothing is more entertaining than to watch the pros suffer like your everyday hack.