Best and Worst PGA Tour Golfers to Watch

Best Player to Watch

There's nothing like the "oh no" moment when the television camera in the tower focuses on a slow and annoying golfer playing in a PGA Tour event.

Watching one of these agonizingly methodical pros work through a seemingly endless pre-shot or putting routine drives me crazy. These guys really know how to ruin good televised golf.

Here's my list of  favorite players to watch and some of the worst culprits of slow, hard-to-watch golf:

BEST-Mark Calcavecchia--The ultimate shotmaker, "Calc" is also a fast player. In 1992 in the final round of the Players Championship at TPC Sawgrass, he played a round with John Daly in 2 hours and 3 minutes.

BEST-John Daly--I've followed Daly on the course for years and he never, I mean never, stands over a shot for more than a few seconds. Better still, love him or hate him, he's exciting to watch with his exaggerated driver swing that goes way past parallel and his phenomenal wedge play.

BEST-Rickie Fowler--You gotta love Fowler. Put a stop watch on him and he typically takes less than 15 seconds to hit a fairway shot or a putt. (once he steps over the ball). In a world dominated by technically obsessed pro golfers, Fowler is a feel player brimming with confidence. I find myself wanting him to succeed and rooting strongly against slow players.

WORST-Jim Furyk--I like Furyk. He's one of the classiest guys on Tour. In fact, he generally plays at a steady pace on the fairways, but once Jimbo reaches the green he goes into slow motion. The worst is when he stands over the ball about to pull the trigger only to step away and reevaluate. When Furyk gets to the green, I'm heading to the fridge for a brewski.

One of worst slow play culprits

WORST-Sergio Garcia--Right behind Kevin Na as one of the slowest players on Tour, Garcia has actually improved somewhat over the years. Back in 2002 at the U.S. Open at Bethpage he was heckled unmercifully by the rowdy crowds put off by his endless waggles. He solved that problem but still takes way too much time before hitting a shot or putt.

WORST-J.B. Holmes--You never like to bum kick a guy that's come back from brain surgery, but Holmes is one of the slowest players on Tour. That said, I still like to watch the guy because he's got serious game.

BEST-Dustin Johnson-He's the ultimate lock-and-load guy who plays fast in the fairway and on the green. You've got to follow Johnson in person on the course to get a true appreciation of his athletic ability. He's got tremendous flexibility and it's a joy to watch this guy off the tee.

BEST-Rory McIlroy--Fortunately the World No. 1 is a fast player. To be sure, I never get tired of watching that beautiful, natural swing of McIlroy's. Just think, we've got another good twenty years of watching Rory.

BEST-Phil Mickelson--I enjoy watching Mickelson play because he respects the game on so many levels. He's a relatively fast player on the greens and there's nothing like watching Phil hit a "hero" shot when he's in trouble ala his 6-iron on the 13th hole at the 2010 Masters.

WORST-Kevin Na--You're the champ, big fella. Na has the reputation as the slowest golfer on the PGA Tour. He takes forever on the fairway and the green. You sometimes think he goes through his endless pre-shot routine just to jack with fans. Who can forget Na at this year's Players Championship with his never ending waggles. Five, six, seven waggles.....just hit the freakin' ball will ya. Glaciers move faster than this guy.

WORST-Tiger Woods--You can't argue with success (14 majors and 74 PGA Tour victories), but Woods likes to take his time. While it was tolerable when he was dominating, now it's just annoying. This guy grinds over shots with the best of them. He analyzes every shot like it's his last and while that may be good for his game, it's boring to watch over four days.

Is Tiger Woods Finally Back?

All aboard, we're now loading up on the "Tiger is finally back" bandwagon.

Everybody get your red shirts, black pants, TW caps and those goofy looking white athletic golf shoes because Tiger Woods is back.

With the fire hydrant in Isleworth, sex clinic in Mississippi and Perkins Restaurant distant memories, Woods is finally back on his game following victory at Jack's tournament (The Memorial).

Even the most devoted Tiger hater must appreciate the way Woods sealed the victory. Bringing back memories of his phenomenal chip at the 16th hole at the 2005 Masters, Woods executed a similarly memorable shot at The Memorial.


It was the type of timely shot that only Tiger seemed to hit prior to the Escalade escapade.


Is Tiger back?


No, at least not the invincible Tiger.


This 2.0, 3.0, 4.0 or whatever version of Tiger will probably play more at the level of Phil Mickelson, Rory McIlroy, Rickie Fowler and Luke Donald.


Woods will be good, even great at times, but not nearly as dominant as his glory years when he was rattling off Major victories.

At age 36, with a slew of knee and personal problems, there is no way Woods will ever get close to his prime.

When you look back at the year 2000 when Woods was 24 years old, he won an amazing 11 events (9 PGA Tour titles, a European Tour event and the PGA Grand Slam) and three majors (Masters, U.S. Open and British Open).

Let's face it, Tiger set the bar so high that any future accomplishments by him and other golfers pale in comparison to that year. 

You hear all the talking heads rattle on about TW being one of the favorites to win next week's U.S. Open, but nobody really knows which Woods is going to show up.

Will we see the struggling, floundering Woods we saw in the Masters (following his Arnold Palmer Invitational win) or the new, improved Tiger that hits fairways, sinks five foot putts consistently and executes miraculous shots?

To be sure, the ratings for the U.S. Open will be off the charts because of Tiger. 

Both the bandwagon types and haters want to see Tiger either win his first major since 2008-- when he won the U.S. Open on a bum leg-- or crash and burn and miss the cut.

I'll be watching intently. 

Admit it, so will you.


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Turn Out the Lights Tigermania

Has the Tigermania train finally pulled into the station?

While most of the media (including me) are still enamored with the power of Tiger, my guess is more and more fans are tiring of all things Tiger.

Let's face it, Woods still moves the needle for television viewers and if you put his name in a headline, you're sure to get lots of clicks on the Web.

You clicked on this column, didn't you?

That said, as a fan I'm weary of seeing Woods as the main storyline before every tournament he's scheduled to play.

The same old scene is getting real tired and played.

Here's how it goes:

Tiger does his obligatory pre-tournament press conference (with the exception, of course, of a couple of weeks ago when he did that silly Internet Q and A with lame, softball questions by fans).

Anyway, the main question is always the same: Tiger, you've been working with Sean Foley for quite some time now, how is your game progressing?

Tiger's pat answer: "Uh, I'm getting close, very close".

Oh really.

Other than that victory earlier this year at Bay Hill, all we get from Tiger is a bunch of excuses about the putts not falling, reverting back to his old swing, blah, blah, blah...

Tiger, why not tell the truth?

Your brain is still scrambled from the Escalade escapade, the ensuing divorce and the huge amounts of energy and angst it took to fight off TMZ, The National Enquirer and other tabloid journalism outlets. Moreover, you still have doubts that come with any swing change and these young bucks are harder than heck to beat.

Even if Tiger returns to form, the twenty somethings like Rory McIlroy, Rickie Fowler and Webb Simpson and others like Bubba Watson and Hunter Mahan are much more difficult to beat than the opponents he faced during his fabulous run to 14 majors.

The current crop of young contenders aren't shooting 74 in final rounds like Sergio Garcia and Ernie Els to make your victories easier and Phil Mickelson is not the easy mark in majors like he was earlier in his career.

We saw the future of how fascinating and exciting the PGA Tour can be without Woods, who missed the cut, with the playoff between Rory and Rickie (D.A. Points, too) at Quail Hollow. These are two immensely dynamic players who could give us years of great golf.  They're full of energy and flair, especially Fowler with those fluorescent golf shirts, Ringo Starr haircut and wispy, jazz musician mustache. C'mon Rickie, bring out the beret, please.

I want to see more of Rory and Rickie and less of Tiger.

There will never be anything like Tigermania in golf again. It was great to witness Tiger in his prime and winning majors by double digit stroke margins.

Those days are just distant memories now. It's sad, but every train eventually pulls into the station.

Goodbye Tigermania.

Hello Rory and Rickie mania.

THE PLAYERS--The Best PGA Tour Tournament to Watch

The world famous no. 17 island hole at TPC Sawgrass Stadium.

It has the best field in golf. Head to the range before tee times and you'll see Top 50 players lined up like a Who's Who in professional golf reception line.

Taking The Masters and Augusta National out of the conversation, my favorite tournament to watch in person is THE PLAYERS at the TPC Stadium Course at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. This year's event takes place next week May 7-13. Among those in the field are Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, Rory McIlroy, Luke Donald, Webb Simpson....and the list goes on.

Phil Mickelson in celebration mode.

There's some serious money on the line at THE PLAYERS, which has a total purse of $9.5 million and a winner's check for $1,710,000.

While star players are everywhere (except Bubba this year), it's the TPC Stadium course and its unique features that make the tournament a great experience for spectators.

For players, it's the ultimate four hour exam that quickly identifies the contenders from the pretenders. Narrow fairways with tiny target areas, immense strategically placed waste bunkers, railroad tie barriers, grassy mounds and knolls and pool table-fast greens are just some of the elements players must deal with on the Pete Dye designed 7,215-yard, par 72 layout.

For spectators, many fairways are framed by high, banked slopes upon which crowds can sit. There are also bowl-shaped natural grass amphitheaters around many greens where you can watch putts break wildly in either direction.

Where to Sit and Watch

One of the best spots to sit is between the 16th green and 17th tee box. If you're close enough to the ropes you can see the player's facial expressions and anxious body language as they slowly walk the 100 yards to tee up at no. 17 and it's famous island green.

It's called the "Lonliest Walk in Golf".

Here's what Brandt Snedeker has to say about the walk: "I wish it was a lot shorter. It's very nerve-wracking. You're thinking about the shot the whole time. It's a very daunting shot. It looks easy on Tuesday and Wednesday, but it's hard on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. There's no way to fake it in there."

If you can't secure a position there, sit on the hill flanking the left side of the lake overlooking the 17th green. It's a great place to watch tee shots to the island green and you can scurry over to the 18th tee box to watch one of the most harrowing and demanding tee shots on the PGA Tour. A lake frames the entire left side from tee to green on the 462-yard par 4. Even if you keep your tee shot right, there's not much space for a safe landing.

Sit on the hill overlooking no. 17 and watch the drama unfold.

What's ironic is most spectators think the tournament is decided on the flashy, in-your-face, no. 17, but no. 18 is often in the mix on deciding the winner.

Before any round, make sure you spend a little time hanging around the range and practice putting greens. The practice facilities at the TPC Sawgrass are among the best in the world and its sheer joy to sit and watch the best players in the world go through their practice routines.

What's New in 2012

--This year, THE PLAYERS Closing Ceremonies will be held on the Lower Clubhouse Lawn, where THE PLAYERS Trophy will be on display all week, allowing fans to encircle the stage and get close to the new champion (and 2011 champion K.J. Choi, who will award the trophy).  The 2012 winner will also sign a limited number of commemorative PLAYERS pin flags to distribute to some of the lucky fans in attendance.

--Better still for moms, the 2012 winner will draw the winning ticket for THE PLAYERS Mother's Day Car Giveaway at the end of Closing Ceremonies. Mothers, 18 and older, can register all week in the Stadium Village (where the Toyota Camry Hybrid will be on display), but they must be present for the drawing during Closing Ceremonies to win.

--Wine & Dine on 9 will offer spectators the chance to enjoy gourmet food and wine, including "small plates" offered by Matthew Medure, one of Northeast Florida's most renowned chefs. Located in a cool, shady area to the left of No. 9 fairway, Wine & Dine on 9 will also feature BERINGER'S expanded portfolio of varietals and will offer tournament-goers the opportunity to watch the action at the par-five 9th in style.

--The Oasis, located between No. 9 and No. 18 tees, will expand on what has been a popular concession area in years past. The Oasis will still feature a concession area, but fans will also find an open-air tent providing a shaded area to cool off. The venue will also include the NOLET'S Silver Lounge, an enclosed, air-conditioned tent open to all fans age 21 and over offering a range of spirits, including Ketel One flavors and NOLET Silver Gin, for purchase.

--The Kid Zone by THE PLAYERS Center for Child Health at Wolfson Children's Hospital will offer parents a family-friendly area to entertain their kids while on-site at the tournament. Activities available at the Kid Zone include a putt-putt course, face painting, temporary tattoos, bag toss games and much more. Located at the end of the Nicklaus Gate walkway behind No. 17 tee, the Kid Zone will also have a misting tent where fans can cool off, as well as a concession area with televisions so adults can still follow the action while their kids play.

This phenomenal video will definitely get you in the mood for this year's THE PLAYERS. Watch it and I guarantee you'll be ready to watch the tournament in person or on television.

Hang around the clubhouse and visit the range.

THE PLAYERS Ticket Information

For ticket information, go to http://www.pgatour.com/tournaments/r011/tickets.html

Play It 

After the tournament, if you've got the juices flowing and you want to stay and play at TPC Sawgrass, here's a link for golf packages: http://booking.tpc.com/golfpackages-32-71.aspx

Good luck on the course....you'll need it.

5 Reasons I Love to Watch Masters Champion Bubba Watson Play Golf

Bubba Watson, 2012 Masters Champion

1. He's never had a formal golf lesson. He doesn't have a swing guru like just about everybody else on Tour these days. It's a joy to watch Watson practicing on the range as he works the ball 30 or 40 yards in either direction. Better still, there's no swing guru, with arms folded, studying Watson's movements for angles, planes and all the other stuff we hear about ad nauseum when they talk about Tiger, Phil and others.

2. He plays fast. None of this spending endless time analyzing the shot or putt. Watson evaluates the situation, makes a decision and goes for it. A simple strategy that resulted in a Masters green jacket.

3. His stats tell the story. Watson, who's 16th in the world rankings, is number one in Driving Distance (313 yards), Top 10 Finishes (4) and the Money Leader ($3.12 million). My two favorite stats, however, are he's number one in Greens in Regulation From Other Than the Fairway and number one in Average Distance to the Hole after Tee Shot (151.9 yards).

4. He's easy to spot on the golf course. Watson is the only golfer on the PGA Tour playing a pink driver and during Master's week he wore only one style of outfit--all white. I also like the fact he's not a spoiled country club kid. He grew up in the Florida panhandle playing public courses and later started his career at Faulkner State Community College in Alabama before transferring to the University of Georgia.  Even more appealing, he once appeared in a music video with bib overalls and he owns the General Lee, the classic hot rod from the Dukes of Hazzard Show.

5. I love watching anybody-- who during a playoff at Augusta National for a green jacket-- can hit a 52 degree gap wedge through the trees off  pine straw to a slick green more than 150 yards away and land it only 15 yards from the flag.

5 Reasons Masters 2012 Will Have One of the Best Finishes Ever

1. Phil "The Thrill" Mickelson (-8) is only one shot back. Did you see that phenomenal flop shot on no. 15 yesterday? You just can't take your eyes off Phil because you never know when he'll pull off a shot that no other player on the planet can execute.

2. There are nine players within six shots of the lead and presumably we're in for more lead changes than your average, trade-some-paint and get-out-of-the-way NASCAR race.

3. Besides Phil, the eclectic line-up of contenders include Bubba Watson (-6), with his mammoth drives and ability to work the ball just about anywhere he wants; Louis Oosthuizen (-7), a British Open champion with a flawless swing; Matt Kuchar (-5), currently ranked 18th in the world rankings; Padraig Harrington (-4), a three-time major winner; Hunter Mahan (-4), known for throwing up low 60s scores, and don't forget the leader, Peter Hanson (-9), a steady Swede, who had the round of his life (65) on Saturday.

4. The back nine at Augusta National guarantees a great finish. Phil shot 30 yesterday and reportedly the pins will be in more inviting positions on Sunday.

5. No. 18 always yields drama because of its premium on a precision drive and well-placed approach shot to have an attempt at birdie. Can Phil do it again on the last hole? The entire golf world will be tuned in to find out.

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Ten Reasons Why I Absolutely Love the Masters

Ten Reasons Why I Absolutely Love the Masters

I can't wait for the Masters to start this year. With Tiger, Rory and Phil playing well, 2013's version should be phenomenal and most likely, as usual, will come down to the back nine on Sunday.

One aspect of the Masters’ appeal is that while many things in America are changing at microwave speed, the tournament and it’s setting remains transfixed in another era. From its Magnolia Lane, a picturesque and darkly shaded boulevard leading up the clubhouse, to the blooming, colorful azaleas, to the green blazer awarded the champion each year, few things seem to change.

To fans, the Masters retains its aura because—except for the first week in April—the public is rarely exposed to the Augusta National golf course. The club has repeatedly refused deals for licensing agreements, and the only place you can get Masters memorabilia such as hats, visors and shirts is at the tournament.

Here are my top 10 reasons why I love the Masters:

Knowledgeable and polite golf fans.

I know it sounds elitist, but keeping drunk, rowdy, golf illiterate fans away from Augusta National is a good thing. I love the fact there are no beered up clowns yelling “In the hole” on par five tee shots or “You da man” to everybody inside the ropes. 

Champions Dinner on Tuesday of Masters Week

What a great tradition? When you win the Masters you become a member of golf’s most exclusive club. One of the perks is the previous year’s winner gets to select the menu (and pick up the tab) for the annual dinner. Some of my favorite selections include Tiger Woods’ cheeseburgers and milkshakes in 1998 when he was 22 years old; Jose Maria Olazabal’s Paella (a Spanish rice dish with seafood) in 1995 and Ben Crenshaw’s Texas barbeque in 1996.

No corporate signage

One of the reasons Augusta National is so pleasing to watch on our television screens is the total lack of corporate signage. It’s one of the few places left in America where you’re not subjected to some sign wanting to sell you something. With pop up ads on the Internet, intrusive advertisements at movie houses and endless signs and corporate tents at your typical PGA Tour event, it’s a welcome reprieve to see Augusta National, a throwback to a simpler time.

Par Three Contest

You can see the joy on the player’s faces as they walk around the course accompanied by their small children, who are wearing mini-sized caddie outfits. The event was first held in 1960. The course designed by George Cobb plays over DeSoto Springs Pond and Ike’s Pond, which is named for President Dwight Eisenhower. One of my favorite bits of Masters trivia is that no winner of the Par 3 Contest has ever gone on to win on the big course. Another great bit of Masters trivia: How many hole-in-ones have been scored on the Par 3 Contest? Give up? 70.

Caddie coveralls

While the green jacket is the most renowned Masters fashion statement, the white coveralls worn by the caddies instantly tell you this tournament is “a tradition like no other” to borrow a Jim Nance phrase. I love watching the golfers walk down the verdant fairways next to their caddies, who wear green caps and the white coveralls with the name of their golfers on the back in green lettering. While PGA Tour caddies have pretty much taken over the caddie duties, the old-time Masters caddies like Stovepipe, Pappy, Iron Man, Cricket and Cemetery will be as much a part of Masters lore as Amen Corner and Magnolia Lane.

Azaleas and magnolias.

I never get tired of seeing the bright azaleas that accent the golf course. Nothing signifies spring better than these brightly colored plants that provide the perfect color contrast for the verdant green surroundings. What I learned recently was that the golf course was built on land that previously served as the first nursery in the South. Through the years, more than 80,000 plants of more than 350 varieties have been added to the grounds.  The 61 magnolia trees that line Magnolia Lane are an awesome sight as well.

Real food and real low prices

Forget about hot dogs and hamburgers at the Masters (the smoke from the grills would presumably damage the garden-like ambiance), the real concession star is the pimento cheese sandwich that sells for $1.50. Yes, $1.50. Masters concession prices are stuck in a time warp. While other major American sports events have introduced price gouging to new levels at their concession stands, the members at Augusta National seem to care less about turning a profit on their concessions. Other $1.50 sandwich selections include egg salad, tuna salad and turkey. Want a brewski? How about two bucks?

Ceremonial honorary starters

I absolutely love the concept of having golf’s great past champions hit the ceremonial first shot. This year Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus and Gary Player will share the honor. The ritual started in 1963 and through the year’s greats like Gene Sarazen, Byron Nelson and Sam Snead have participated. Sadly, between 2002 and 2007 the tournament didn’t have an honorary starter. In 2007, Palmer accepted the invitation after declining it in the previous years. Now, this year with Arnie and Jack it couldn’t be better. They represent everything that is good and wholesome about the game and its great traditions.

No tickets

People adore and want what they can’t have, right. The Masters definitely falls into that category. It’s the toughest ticket in sports. There is a waiting list but it was closed in 1978. Even if you open up the list, thousands of names are already ahead of you and me. You have a better chance of getting tickets to the Super Bowl, World Series, or NBA Championship than to the Masters.

The Green Jacket and other awards

Even the poor slug who can a barely tell the difference between a tennis ball and a golf ball knows about the green jacket awarded to the winner of the Masters. Most people don’t realize there are a host of other prizes at the Masters. For instance, the winner also receives a gold medal; the runner-up receives a silver medal and silver slaver and each day’s low score is awarded a crystal vase.

Tiger, Rory and Phil at the 2012 Masters

Is this the year we get an all-out battle royal at Augusta National between who most people consider the best three golfers on the planet?

I think so.

Tiger is getting his game steadily together, highlighted by his amazing “62” at the Honda Classic. Rory has rebuilt his physique to complement his awesome game and he seems primed to close the deal at the Masters this year. Phil’s scintillating performance at the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am when he shot 8-under 63 to comeback from six strokes down signaled he’s hitting all cylinders in 2012.

Is this Arnie, Jack and Gary all over again?

That’s a quantum leap, I agree, but at least we have some anticipation the 2012 Masters will be a memorable one or, as Jim Nance likes to say, “One for the Ages.”

I can’t wait.

First things first, though, the “New Big 3” will tee up today at the World Golf Championships-Cadillac Championship along with former No. 1 Luke Donald, Lee Westwood, Keegan Bradley and Hunter Mahan.

In fact, all of the top 50 in the world are in this week’s loaded field tournament at Doral’s TPC Blue Monster in Miami.

If the “New Big 3” provides some fireworks this week, things will really heat up as we head toward Augusta next month.

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Tiger Getting Mickelsonized?

Tiger finally returned to golf at the 2010 Masters. After a humiliating scandal, it was obvious Tiger had to change his ways in the public eye to win back certain golf fans. And that's what he did. Tiger walked without blinders on, acknowledged the crowd at every opportunity with that Cheshire Cat smile, accepted gifts from kids, and actually signed some autographs. In other words, he was acting like Phil Mickelson.

"Acting" is the key word. The whole world now knows that Tiger isn't such a great guy. But I never thought that he was to begin with. Now that he's suddenly become Mr. Nice Guy on the course, it strikes me as completely disingenuous. Are people really buying this crap?

But the vast majority of people are suckered into a public image. Phil Mickelson has made a career of it. I have a golf buddy who is a member of Whisper Rock Golf Club in Scottsdale, AZ. Mickelson happens to be a fellow member. According to my friend, the real Mickelson is 180 degrees from his carefully-crafted public persona. I've heard stories that will rock any Mickelson fanboy's world.

What I liked about the old Tiger was that his public persona was reflective of his true personality. The old Tiger was a cold, focused and ruthless competitor full of "I'm the best ever" confidence. In short, I prefer wolves without sheep's clothing. Phil is just covered in wool.

But how does this all translate into cold hard cash? Contrary to what many believe, Tiger raked in the mega sponsorship dollars because he won and won in unbelievable fashion, not because of some wholesome family-guy image. If that were the case, guys like Zach Johnson, Kenny Perry and Steve Stricker would be the faces of corporate America. The proof will be when Tiger goes back to his winning ways. I bet the sponsorship money will return en masse.

Golf Gods Strike Mickelson?

During the final round of the 2010 Masters, a strange thing happened to FIGJAM Phil. On the par-5 second hole, Mickelson rolled a birdie putt on the perfect line to the hole. But just as he putt, a piece of debris landed directly on the line and threw the ball off course.

Coincidence? I think not. The announcers claim it came from a pine tree, but there wasn't a tree within 100 yards of the hole and the wind was calm. I think that the Golf Gods were watching from above and dropped a morsel from their party mix onto the green. Whether it was by accident or intentional, it certainly came from those heavenly arbiters of the game! Regardless, it's just further evidence of their existence.

See it for yourself:



But in the end, the Golf Gods struck down Tiger for his Philandering ways by letting his arch-nemesis win his favorite major.

Is Phil Mickelson a Cheater?

Phil Mickelson has long been rumored to be one of the least popular players amongst his peers on the PGA Tour. But now his popularity is dipping to new lows over his use of 20-year-old Ping Eye2 square-groove wedges that sidestep the new groove rule. "I don't like it at all, not one bit," Rocco Mediate said. "It's against the spirit of the rule...We have to get rid of those clubs, because they're square grooves - what else can you say?" According to Scott McCarron, "It's cheating, and I'm appalled Phil has put it in play."

Readers of this blog know that I'm no fan of Phil, but in this case I believe that he's getting unfairly crucified. In my opinion, it's perfectly fine to play golf with anything that the USGA deems to be legal. Heck, if the Iron Byron was legal, I'd be the first to use one. Since all square-groove Ping Eye 2 irons manufactured before April 1, 1990 are legal, Phil didn't do anything wrong by putting them in the bag. The USGA agrees. "The clubs are usable where USGA rules apply," said Dick Rugge, the USGA's senior technical director. "The rules speak for themselves and show it's not cheating to use them."

So the critics of Phil need to back down. He's certainly not cheating. If people have any beef, they should redirect their rage at golf's governing bodies. But more interestingly, I think that this controversy sheds light on other issues. For instance, what does all this say about golf club technology? The message I get is that 20-year-old technology is better than that of today. I've long believed that iron performance improvement through technology is limited and this is further validation. My conviction was so strong that I put a set of Mizuno MP-14s in my bag about a year ago. These irons are about 18-years-old and play just as well as my much newer Nike Blades. I'd hate to work in the marketing department at any golf club company when consumers watch that the pros are opting for clubs made two decades ago!

Phil Mickelson Man Boobs Authority?

I've read that search engines account for more than half of all internet traffic. It's not surprising to me since that's where most of the traffic to this site originates.

What is surprising are some of the search terms that return this site. One of the most popular terms is "Phil Mickelson Man Boobs." I kid you not. I don't know what is stranger - that so many people are searching for information on this topic or that search engines have deemed this site as one of its best sources of information.

Out of curiosity, I Googled "Phil Mickelson Man Boobs" to check out where this site would turn up. Lo and behold, Grouchy Golf was at the top of the search results!

Phil's dopey plastered-on smirk has been fodder for several posts on this site, but there's been nothing that addressed his growing chest problem. There has got to be better information on the internet for people researching Phil's busty assets. Unfortunately, after clicking on some of the other search results, I realized that there was simply a dearth of material on this titillating topic.

Sensing an unsatisfied need by the general public, I was determined to fill that need. After some in-depth research, I found the answers straight from the horse's mouth:

I will always have fat on me. There's nothing I can do about it, just genetics. As I said earlier, I've got subcutaneous fat. And most people who are ripped have visceral. There's nothing I can do it. It just lies underneath the skin as opposed to underneath the muscle. And as long as I feel better and get stronger, then I can't really worry about, you know, body fat.

- Phil Mickelson

There you have it folks. The reason for Phil's full figure is subcutaneous fat. But blaming genetics? Mr. FIGJAM must have been adopted because his immediate family — mom, dad, brother and sister — are all thin. Regardless, this site is proud to provide the best information on the topic of "Phil Mickelson Man Boobs". We will be sure to keep you abreast of any future developments!

Butch Harmon is Phil Mickelson's Coach. Oh, Sweet Revenge!

"Oldboy," a movie directed by Chan-wook Park, is one of my favorite movies of all-time. The second movie of a revenge-themed trilogy, "Oldboy" is a brilliant tale of the tragic consequences from revenge breeding upon itself. In other words, revenge begets revenge which begets even more revenge, so on and so forth.

If Mr. Park decides to make another revenge flick, he can simply base it on the recent pairing of Butch Harmon with Phil Mickelson. According to the Kojak of Golf, Tim Rosaforte, "...sources have told Golf World the Mickelson-Harmon alliance will be made official before the EDS Byron Nelson Championship in Irving, Texas." While the coaching change is meant to fix Mickelson's wayward driver, it also satisfies the thirst for revenge.

Here is a short summary of the vengeance undertones found in golf's newest coaching relationship:

• Butch is seeking revenge against Tiger Woods for leaving him in favor of Hank Haney
• Mickelson is seeking revenge against Tiger Woods for the countless times that he has finished behind the world's #1
• Butch is seeking revenge against Rick Smith for giving swing advice to Tiger Woods at the 1996 U.S. Open when Harmon was still Tiger's coach

But the story may not stop here. Of all the coaches that Mickelson could have chosen, he couldn't have picked one that would have irked Rick Smith more than Butch Harmon. They like each other about as much as Kobe and Shaq. Interestingly, Rick Smith could exact revenge against both his former pupil and his coaching arch-nemesis by teaming up with Tiger. Such a scenario would also enable Tiger to exact revenge on his former coach and his top rival. It sounds almost too good to be true, but with rumors circulating that Tiger may now be unhappy with his swing under Haney's tutelage, don't count it out!

It will be interesting to see how all of this plays out. But one thing is clear, the proverb "revenge is a dish best served cold" still holds true.

Dave Pelz Was Wrong for Once

First, thanks to Tiger on the unbelievable clinic he gave at the Windy City. It's just another example of how Tiger-proofing courses only makes it easier for Tiger to win. Now, back to the regularly scheduled program...

Dave Pelz, the well-known short-game authority and mad scientist of golf, is one golf instructor that I respect tremendously. As a former NASA engineer, Pelz supports his teachings with solid scientific research. It's not uncommon for him to have reams of data to back up his findings. For example, Pelz provided the statistical data that proves that putts rolled at a speed to exactly 17 inches beyond the hole have a higher probability rate of going in than putts hit at any other speed. He also conducted experiments that answered the age-old question, "Should you leave the flagstick in the hole or pull it out?" When Pelz says something about golf, you might as well just accept it as fact.

That is, until last week. Uncharacteristicly, Pelz went on the record to make several totally unscientific claims:

"When Phil's at his best, I'm thinking nobody can beat him."

[And that includes Tiger Woods?]

"You bet it does," Pelz said. "If Phil's long swing is good, his short game, I believe, is the best in the world. He doesn't have a serious weakness inside 150 yards.

"I'm not saying Tiger's short game is bad. He has a great short game. But I think Phil putts more consistently than Tiger does. He has more imagination and a few more shots around the green."

What you talkin' about Willis?

There's no doubt that Phil Mickelson is one of the best golfers of his generation. But he happens to be in the same generation as the best golfer ever. To make such obviously biased and subjective statements is quite surprising for Pelz, especially his assertion that "Phil putts more consistently than Tiger does." Ever since Phil turned pro in 1992 he's been touted as a "great putter". But I've always thought that he was overrated in this area. Over the years, I don't think that I've seen a "great putter" miss as many 3-footers as Phil. I've even seen Phil 3-putt from about 10 feet. Tiger, on the other hand, just doesn't seem to miss a putt when it really matters. In fact, according to Shotlink, Tiger hasn't missed a putt inside 4 feet this season! If I needed someone to make a putt to save my life, there's no question that I would choose Tiger over Phil.

Regardless, why the heck would Pelz make such ludicrous comments? Did he put an ounce of thought into it? Was it an over-exposure to the noxious fumes emanating from his golf laboratory? Whatever the reason, all it did was to agitate an already fired up Tiger Woods to crush Pelz's chubby student with the phony grin. Like Michael Jordan, Tiger makes it a point to ruthlessly annihilate those who "diss" him.

Mr. Pelz, for your well-established reputation's sake, retreat back to your lab and stick to your test tubes and bunsen burners. And if there's room, take Stephen Ames with you.

FIGJAM - Ego Cost Phil Mickelson the U.S. Open

Have you ever heard of the term "FIGJAM"? Apparently, it is widely used on the PGA Tour to describe fan-favorite Phil Mickelson. FIGJAM is an acronym standing for "F#ck I'm Good, Just Ask Me." According to an article in GQ magazine, "There are a bunch of pros who think he and his whole smiley, happy face are a fraud. They think he's preening and insincere."

That's what I've thought all along. It's convenient that Phil's peers, the people who truly know him the best, have already coined a term to describe him so accurately. Whenever I see that pompous Phil Mickelson smirk on TV, my mind automatically superimposes a cartoon-like thought bubble next to his head filled with those words, "F#ck I'm Good, Just Ask Me." That phrase fits his expression to a tee!

But being a FIGJAM, by definition, requires a massive ego. Unfortunately, such megalomania often clouds sound decision-making. That was exactly what happened to Phil at the 2006 U.S. Open at Winged Foot.

Playing in front of a Phil-friendly crowd, Phil was determined to show off his golf skills at every available opportunity. Time and time again, Phil chose to dazzle rather than to play it smart. For the most part, he got away with it, flashing that FIGJAM smile whenever he did. But when you laugh in the faces of the Golf Gods, expect to be struck down.

Holding a one shot lead on the 18th tee, Mickelson only needed a par for the victory. A safe fairway wood off the tee would have been the wise choice, but that's beneath a FIGJAM. No, a FIGJAM needs to hit driver to impress. Phil sliced his drive so badly off the tee that it hit a hospitality tent and landed between the trees onto the spectator-trampled rough. Chipping back onto the fairway would have all but guaranteed a bogey and a playoff with Geoff Ogilvy, but again, that's beneath a FIGJAM. Phil just couldn't resist the temptation of bringing the house down with a miraculous 3-iron through the trees and onto the green. Only the miracle didn't happen. Phil's ill-advised 2nd shot hit a tree and dashed his hopes of winning.

"Discretion is the better part of valor" is an old expression derived from Shakespeare's King Henry the Fourth. It means that caution is preferable to rash bravery. Phil must not have paid much attention in English class because it is a lesson that he continues to ignore and this time it cost him a U.S. Open. But I don't think that he was too upset by it since he was smiling the whole time.

Everybody Loves Ernie Els

All the top pro golfers have their fair share of fans. However, most also have a healthy number of detractors.

Take Tiger and Phil, for example. Both deserve the respect of all golf fans for their golf achievements. In addition, each has legions of fans that love them for more than just their golfing abilities. Each has very different on-course personas that resonate strongly with their respective fans. However, the very things that people find appealing about these golfers are the same things that some people find objectionable.

Phil always projects a wholesome and care-free image on the golf course that the "Phil Phanatics" just eat up. Phil has become the modern-day Ward Cleaver to many casual golf fans. However, some believe that Phil is simply putting on a show whenever he's on camera or in the public eye to maintain and maximize his endorsement dollars. In other words, Phil is smiling all the way to the bank. If you're a fan of Larry David's HBO comedy series, Curb Your Enthusiasm, you could guess what the F-bomb dropping, foul-mouthed Susie Greene might say about Mickelson: "That Phil is one phake phat phony phuck!"

On the other hand, many fans love Tiger because he is a fiery competitor who puts it all out on the golf course. Much like Michael Jordan, he is intensely focused and never, ever quits. Tiger wears his emotion on his sleeves, good and bad. However, some find some of Tiger's behavior boorish and ungentlemanly, especially for the staid game of golf.

As a serious, but unaccomplished golfer, I am much more of a fan of Tiger than Phil. I appreciate Tiger's super-human golf ability and his ultra-competitive zeal. It's refreshing to see him upset over a bad shot as much as he celebrates a miraculous one. Anyone who plays golf knows that it is the most maddening game in the world, so it's somewhat comforting to see that the best player in the world shares our pain. In short, I find Tiger to be much more genuine than Phil.

Australian golfer Paul Gow has echoed similar sentiments when he said, "What you see on television is totally different to what he (Phil Mickelson) is around the clubhouse. Tiger (Woods) is the opposite: he will talk to you, he will sit down next to you at lunch and ask about your family and stuff. Phil is the opposite…He has done some great acting classes in Hollywood and they have worked out for him."

While it is clear that many people are not fond of Tiger and Phil, there is one golfer who everybody seems to love - Ernie Els. His peers love him, golf fans love him, and even grouchy people love him. His large frame and laid-back personality and smooth-flowing golf swing has rightfully earned him the nickname, "The Big Easy." Ernie is a big asset to golf, and his recent season-ending ACL injury was a tremendous loss. This year's PGA Championship was the first major since 1993 that Ernie has not played. He could have easily been the difference-maker at this year's evenly-played President's Cup. These great golf events would have been even better had Ernie been available to play. The good news is that Golfweek is reporting that Ernie will tee it up again as soon as this December. Oh, the miracle of arthroscopic knee surgery! Get well soon Double-E!

Wipe That Stupid Grin Off Your Face!

A clash of opposites concluded the Ford Championship at Doral last weekend. Many saw it simply as Tiger vs. Phil. But it was also Cablinasian vs. White, Buick vs. Ford, Nike vs. Callaway, and Batman vs. the Joker.

Batman vs. the Joker? Let me explain. I happened to watch the Batman DVD over the weekend and noticed some striking parallels to Phil and Tiger. In the movie, the Joker's face becomes disfigured in an accident. A plastic surgeon tries to reconstruct the Joker's face, but his hack job leaves the Joker with a permanent smile. No matter what the circumstance, the Joker is always beaming a disturbingly wide grin, 24/7. In this way, Phil is just like the Joker. When Phil hits a great shot, he smiles. When Phil hits a bad shot, he smiles. When Phil lost his lead to Tiger on the 17th hole, guess what? He smiled.

I tried to like Phil, I really did. But it's just not natural to smile that much, especially when something bad happens to you. Can you imagine if someone on your soccer team smiled every time your opponent scored a goal? You'd be infuriated. That's how I felt the few times that I tried to root for Phil. I wanted to shake him and say, "you're losing the golf tournament and all you can do is stand there and smile like an idiot?! Don't you care?"

I suspect that Phil's smiling problem is his attempt to mask his true feelings and personality rather than a Joan River's procedure gone awry. While I don't think much of Vijay Singh, I do agree with him regarding Phil. "Is that the true Phil?" Singh said when he was asked to compare his image to Mickelson's by Bryant Gumbel on HBO's Real Sports. "Is that the true person? Do you see the true side of Phil? I don't know. I cannot speak for Phil. But you see the true me. I don't hide things." I prefer to root for someone who wears his emotion on his sleeve. Someone who gets angry or at least more determined when losing. Call me crazy, but I just want to cheer for the person that appears to have the same desire to win that I would.

When I read about Mickelson's lack of motivation at last year's Ryder Cup, he lost me completely. "I attribute my performance (in the Ryder Cup) to motivation," he said. "I wasn't willing to put in enough work to play good golf." Representing your country alone should provide ample motivation in my book. I wonder how the countless number of troops deployed around the world that are risking their lives so that individuals such as Mr. Mickelson could be free to make a grandiose living playing golf would feel about his sentiments. It will always be a mystery to me why so many people love Phil. At least Skip Bayless of ESPN doesn't.

Oh, and how is Tiger like Batman? Like Batman, Tiger usually wins.

P.S. It turns out that Phil's peers on the PGA Tour have nicknamed him "FIGJAM". How appropriate!

Phil Mickelson and the Dark Side of Golf

If you're a loyal reader of this golf blog (that's you mom), you'll know that I've never been a fan of Phil Mickelson. Nor have I been a fan of Callaway clubs.

So it's only appropriate that the two have joined forces. Word going around is that Mick tried to renege on his multi-year contract with The Acushnet Co. (parent of Titleist, FootJoy, etc.) just like David Duval did in 2001. Phil demanded more money based on his success this year with his first major win. Instead of feeling indebted to the company that developed the tools to produce his first major win, Mick felt that Acushnet owed him.

So Mr. B-Cups bailed out on Acushnet and promptly inked a much more lucrative contract with Callaway. Rumors estimate that Callaway will pay Phil somewhere between $3 - $6 million more per year than the Acushnet deal. My old math teacher always used to say, "greed is a sickness" and it seems that Mick has come down with a very big case of it. However, Phil would rather have you believe that he signed with Callaway for their equipment. In a press release, Phil proclaimed "to help me achieve my ultimate goal of becoming the No. 1 player in the world, I felt it was necessary to switch to the exciting new driver and golf ball technology from Callaway Golf."

It's clearly evident that Darth Mick has now fully embraced the Dark side. Is this the final act of Phil's long pattern of self-absorption and idiocy? Not a chance. Look for Phil to resume his climb from #3 to the top of ESPN's "Worst Choke Artists." I think that it would only be fair that Callaway reneges on Phil when his game tanks. Somehow I think that will happen sooner than later.

But kudos to Acushnet for taking a stand and not succumbing to another money grubber's demands. Acushnet has a long reputation for its commitment to produce the highest quality golf equipment from head to toe. By rebuffing Phil, Acushnet sends a message that no golfer is larger than the company or its products. On the other hand, Acushnet is known for its generosity. When news surfaced that Moe Norman, the legendary ball-striker, teetered on the brink of financial ruin, Acushnet stepped in and offered Moe a $5,000 monthly stipend for the rest of his life. But what did Moe have to do in return? Nothing, it was a thank-you gift for his prior accomplishments. Sadly, Moe passed earlier this month, but I'm sure that his last years were more comfortable than otherwise thanks to Acushnet. I have always been a huge fan of Acushnet, but never more so than now.

Burgers, Phil, and Golf

Phil sure does love those In-N-Out burgers.

While I'm only temporarily sick of In-N-Out (I work within a block away from one), it seems that I'll always be sick of Phil "Meek"elson. In particular, I'm sick of his stupid expressions on the course.

I mean he always looks like some clueless guy that they pulled out of the gallery who was suddenly annointed golf super powers. I can see how the first time it can be considered somewhat endearing (still stretching it). But, for chissakes, when he still acts the same way after several hundred tournaments it's downright annoying.

The final round of the 2004 Masters drove me nuts, as you can imagine. But I took guilty pleasure that Mickelson lost the 2004 U.S. Open at Shinnecock on the 17th Hole in typical Phil-choke-fashion. However, not even that monumental calamity could wipe that stupid smirk off his face! What on earth will it take?

Somehow I'm sure that if the world was ablaze on its way to Hell, "Mick the Choke" will be smiling the whole way...