Golf Brats

My local golf course runs a summer golf clinic for children ages 6 - 13. I happened to be at the range while some of the kids were hitting balls.

While most of them sucked, there were several really phenomenal swings. One little girl must have been only 8 years-old tops and she had a swing to die for. While she hit her driver only 150 yds., she pured each and every one. She had a great setup, Els-like tempo, and gymnast flexibility. "A young Michelle Wie," you say? Well, that's exactly what I thought.

Unfortunately, watching this future LPGA Hall of Famer only depressed me about my own swing. In fact, after a couple of bad shots I was too embarrassed to continue. I thought, I've been playing this friggin' game for longer than this kid has been alive, and yet she makes me look like I swing the club like Charles Barkeley. Should I quit and just write about golf in a golf blog? I decided to play a round, hoping to find my swing somewhere on the course.

I joined 3 other hackers for a round. Luckily, none of these guys were better than me, so my confidence was bouyed. None of us played well and we were all at least 8 over after 6 holes. The 7th hole is a par 3 and it was backed up as usual. I struck up a conversation among my playing partners about the state of our games. I learned that we were all in the same boat, all of us fruitlessly trying to improve failing golf swings. I felt better knowing that I wasn't the only one to suffer from a "slump."

As we were commiserating with each other, an 8-year kid from the threesome behind us walked up to our teebox and proclaimed ecstatically, "I'm only 2 over after 6 holes!" He had a look on his face that said, "Isn't that great! This game is so easy. Soon I'll be better than Tiger!"

Well, nothing eats at your craw more than someone boasting about their golf game when your's is headed to the sewer. Now you can imagine how much of my craw was left when a kid, who still has 5 years until he can see "Whale Rider," is doing the boasting.

My playing partners were nice enough to praise the kid for his score, but there was no way I was kissing his little arse. I grumbled, "WTF, how the hell could this kid be only 2 over. Is this game really that easy? No way. His parents must be fudging the score to make him feel good." I looked at the kid's parents in disbelief and they only smiled proudly. I rolled my eyes as I set my 8-iron behind my Pro V1.

I struck the ball well, and hit the green. "Nice shot!" exclaimed the little golf devil. I flashed a stupid Mickelson smirk, but it still didn't make up for this latest cruel stunt pulled by the Golf Gods...