"This is a great finishing hole..."

I've heard that comment more times than not on the walk to the 18th tee.

Although there's no official definition, I've determined that the phrase "great finishing hole" means a final hole that is much more challenging than average. Usually it's a long par-4 that requires a long approach or a par-5 where there is a critical decision to be made on whether to go for the green in two because of some hazard.

Now that's great for golf spectators. A great finishing hole adds drama much like a surprise bikini model bachelorette does in "The Bachelor". You just have to watch and see whether the player has the cojones to go for it.

However, when I'm playing a round of golf, a "great finishing hole" is the last thing I want to see, especially when I'm scoring well. I can't tell you how many times my round has been ruined by a "great finishing hole". My home course features such a hole, a 450-yard thorn-in-my-side that features a narrow fairway bounded by trees on the left and a pond on the right. I can vividly recall over a dozen times when I needed a par or better on that beast to break 80. Of those times, I only parred once!

As a result, that hole has taken residence in the part of my consciousness housing such terrors as the Boogie Man, Freddy Krueger and Michael Jackson. Whenever I play my home course, the thought of #18 haunts my game from the get-go. When I hear the inevitable, "This is a great finishing hole..." from a playing partner, it just sends chills up my spine. To me, it is a "great finishing hole" because it's great at finishing me off!

I'm convinced that golfers are masochists. Saying, "This is a great finishing hole..." after spending 5 hours playing 17 holes is akin to saying, "I can't wait for the Cat o' nine tails" after being flogged with a cane for a good hour. If it's alright with you, I'd like to continue with the cane please. Thank you very much.