Michelle Wie College-bound?

Michelle Wie recently announced her intention to attend college later this year. This is a relief to those who feared that the teen phenom would forgo college to become a pro golfer full-time. These people argue that the “college experience” teaches one invaluable life lessons in and out of the classroom that one can’t learn elsewhere. Even the great Tiger Woods said, “"I think you [miss out] on several things by not going to college, the most obvious being educational."

Such talk has prompted me to pause and reflect on the good ol’ college days. My alma mater happens to be the bitter rival of Stanfurd, the college that Tiger attended and the one that Wie plans to attend. While my college is superior to Stanfurd, I believe that my experience may shed some light on what Wie can expect from college.

I can recall those formative four years being exposed to such things as Keynesian economics, Nietzsche’s Übermensch concept and the Schrodinger equation of quantum mechanics. I toiled countless hours cramming these subjects into my head. Unfortunately, I have long ago lost the ability to recollect any specifics regarding these topics. Thankfully, there are many other things that I learned in college and will remain with me for the rest of my life. Here are just a few of them:

• How to survive on less than $3 per day
• The number of Keystone Lights that one can safely pour into a beer bong without spilling any of the precious nectar
• How to milk 4 full meals out of the The Olive Garden by doggie baggin' your dinner and stuffing yourself and your pockets with the Endless Salad and Breadsticks
• How to unhook a bra in less that 4 seconds using only 3 fingers of one hand without looking
• The tangible benefits of a bong over a pipe
• How to get free CDs shipped to your door from Columbia House and BMG using names such as "Hugh Jass"
• How to work with complete strangers to dismantle field-goal posts after an emotional victory fueled solely by school spirit and Popov Vodka.

These are just a few of the precious things that Wie could experience from college. However, she can still chuck the idea and instead travel the world in first-class playing golf on the best courses while making millions of dollars. But why would she do such a silly thing?

I didn't have such an option, but I have successfully parlayed my college experience into a life filled with 60+ hour workweeks at a dead-end job where I’m bored to death trapped with other college-educated lackeys in a cold and sterile office.

It is often said that “the grass is always greener on the other side.” From my standpoint, Wie is standing in the greenest grass in the world. All I know is that I want to be on the side where the grass is in the fairway.